I hate it when people say money doesn’t buy happiness. In a way that might be right. Money buys sense of security so you won’t have to stress about finances because you have it covered. Money buys a feeling of content because you know that you will be able to pay every bill without worry. Right now, I’m trying to study abroad despite the fact that I am not rich. I am applying for every scholarship I can find and I’m still struggling. I’m worried that I will not be able to afford my trip and that stresses me out. I should be studying for my finals, but instead I’m scouring the internet for a last minute scholarship that could help me afford my trip. What’s worse is that I really want to go abroad. It’s my dream to experience another country but when I look at my meager savings I wonder if it’s worth the stress. I’m not asking for much. I could make $1,000 work if i could just get my hands on it. Nothing too crazy. I just need a cushion for my stress; a balm for my steadily increasing anxiety. Maybe I’m naive for believing that I can do this but I’m also too stubborn to quit. Wish me well on my journey for scholarship money. I have one more that is yet to be decided. I hope, for my sanity at least, that I get something. Money might not buy happiness, but it sure as hell buys relief.


New Zealand Bound

I chose New Zealand because it’s different and unexpected. Most people go to Europe to study abroad but I wanted to branch out from the norm.

I love mysteries and New Zealand is a mystery to me. I never truly learned about it in my textbooks it was only briefly mentioned along with Australia as a country that was colonized by English settlers. I want to study abroad in New Zealand so I can learn more about the country as a whole. I want to explore what makes New Zealand so spectacular. The nation is gorgeous but I don’t only want to explore the beautiful attractions of country I want to delve into the dark history of colonial New Zealand to see if there are any correlations between colonized New Zealand and the United States.

I decided to study at the University of Auckland because I wanted to get the most out of my experience in New Zealand by going to the largest institution in the country. My hope is to be totally exposed to every single culture that New Zealand has to offer. I am strongly against oppression of any kind because I believe that no one should go to bed at night believing that they are less than someone else. I’m from a highly prejudiced area in Southeast Texas and I have had to overcome hardships because of the color my skin. Statistics show that a Maori are more likely to experience more discrimination than non-Maori. A similar situation has been occurring to African Americans and the Indigenous Americans since the colonization of the Americas. During my time at New Zealand my goal is to learn how the Maori culture has persevered despite their hardships and see how I can implement their techniques in America. Another goal I hope to accomplish during my time abroad is to know why New Zealanders are known to be some of the happiest people in the world and what makes that possible. I am a history major and New Zealand is a country that is rarely spoken about in textbooks. I want to learn the behind the scenes history lessons that you never find in books. Lastly I want to know what makes a person patriotic. America is patriotic in the sense that we think that we are superior to other nations. Is this the case for New Zealand? My goal is to learn what makes another population so patriotic and understand their love for their nation and I feel like I will be able to accomplish my mission at the University of Auckland.

During my time in New Zealand I expect to be terrified when I first get there because I will be away from what I am familiar with. I expect to be anxious because I will be worried if anyone will like me at my new school or if I will be an outcast. I also expect to have the best time of my life because I know that even though I will be scared out of my mind and anxious beyond imagination I firmly believe that a certain darkness is needed to see the stars and I will use these problems, not as inhibitors but as motivators and force myself to step outside of my comfort zone.

I can’t wait to write more about my travels! I promise to keep y’all updated!!

Quote on my mind

All That is Gold does not Glitter
“All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.

From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be blade that was broken,
The crownless again shall be king.”

J. R. R. Tolkien- Fellowship of the Ring

Don’t go chasing waterfalls

You knew that it was on my bucket list to go see a waterfall.

I won’t have to move an inch because my eyes seem to be producing 2 waterfalls of their own to save me the trouble of moving from my fetal position.


You know, I would have called you about this new phenomenon
but it looks like someone has decided to use your body and blood to decorate mother earth.

You always wanted to be one with the earth…
looks like you finally got your wish.

I miss you.

My laugh doesn’t sound the same without yours surrounding it.
My smile isn’t as bright without yours shining beside it.
Go be with the earth my friend….

and thank you for letting me go see a waterfall.

Peacefully coping

Chaos, heartache, tears streaming, grown men screaming. The world is whirling and there’s nothing that anyone can do to stop the feelings. We try to sink into oblivion to comprehend our existence.  To escape. But when our poison releases us from its shackles., we realize that our demons are still tormenting us. There’s no escape.

Or so it seems.

We try to scream, but society tells us to hush. We try to run only to realize that we have been chained. We discover the word “cope” but that’s just a word that society has created to truly mean suffer in silence and not bother anyone. We bellow the words “why me” and there are answers.

But not from the one voice we want to hear it from.

That voice has departed. Their spirit is still here but it’s not the same. We cope as best we can, but can’t remember how the word “happy” once felt like.
Finally we rediscover the word happy. We jump for joy. We leap with delight. We’ve stumbled across something with meaning and we hold on for dear life. We’re no longer coping. We’re now living. Living with what has befallen us, and living for what’s to come. We’ve been shot in the heart but now the wound has healed as best as it could and we’re okay with that. We’re finally happy. We’ve found our peace.